... it was funny to me....

This one most likely been told before but had me laughing

IMMUTABLE LAWS

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theaters & Sports Arenas - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated
to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

Law of Physical Appearance
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Law of Public Speaking
-- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy-
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better.
But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

^^^ I can vouch for several of those from direct personal experience!

Add on "mechanic":

Any tool placed in the drawer, you will need the next moment.

Each dropped object will be rolled into the longest corner of the workshop.

Every next dropped object will hit you with your toes.

t-shirts today with a saying.

If I say I will do it. I will do it. No need to remind me every 6 months.

I thought growing old would take longer.

If I'm ever on life support. Unplug me, then plug me back in and see if that works.

I don't mean to brag but... I finished my 14 day diet in 3 hours and 12 min.

Telling a woman to calm down works about as well as baptizing a cat.

If I woke up in the morning and nothing hurt. I would think I was dead.

Obscure reference?

Would watch that band while drinking:

jyoung8607 said:

Obscure reference?

Click to expand...

Trust me, it is not always sunny in Philadelphia.

What did you do the cat? It looks half dead!
-- Schrödinger's wife

You know how its hard to resist a bargain?

I need about 14 m2 of insulation to finish the loft that I started 5 years ago.

I just bought 140 m2:



It's a single garage-full! I may have to top up some of the rest of the house roofspace too

If I'd bought it new, it's about NZ$2200... I paid NZ$415... which is only about double what the required amount would have cost new...

Did you then save $1800 or over-spend $200?

iichel said:

Did you then save $1800 or over-spend $200?

Click to expand...

Man Math - Save $1800

Woman Math - Overspend $200

PetrolDave said:

Man Math - Save $1800

Woman Math - Overspend $200

Click to expand...

Hah yeah except reverse that for women at any sale.

"She" doesn't know yet... But I'm not sure I'll be able to hide it...

Her car may have to go outside, until I can get it all up into the roofspace

NZDubNurd said:

Her car may have to go outside, until I can get it all up into the roofspace

Click to expand...

Eh? If you know what's good for you, it will be your car that has to stay outside.

So... an SPo2 (Blood oxygen saturation) monitor arrives at the workshop today, with a note saying:

"Please calibrate our machine. It's giving funny/incorrect readings"

My reply:


They packed the whole unit up, in a box and sent it via the inter-hospital delivery truck.

I'm pretty sure that undoing the simple plug in connection and trying a different sensor would have been a LOT less work

https://www.aol.com/article/news/20...es-on-its-planes-as-service-animals/23504071/

[h=1]Southwest Airlines is formally allowing miniature horses on its planes as service animals[/h]

1. I wonder what the dilemma is?

2. A good example is the best answer.

3. Imagine you are in bed between a very pretty woman and a fag. To whom will turn your back?

Move the woman into the middle. Problem solved.