... it was funny to me....

oldie but goodie

A dog lover, whose female dog came "in heat," was concerned about keeping it and her
male separated. But she had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two
dogs apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard an awful howling and moaning sounds.
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as
frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was very late
at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice. After she explained
the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection
and he will be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked for me." he replied.

Real product name apparently:



https://www.aliexpress.com/item/355...overs-fit-for-Jeep-car-model/32828363059.html

Any Terry Pratchett fans??? Easily my favourite author, ever:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/books/authors/terry-pratchett-best-quotes/

"Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life."

"The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks."

"Pets are always a help in times of stress. And in times of starvation, too, of course"

"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying ‘End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH,’ the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry."

"Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It’s the difference between using a feather and using a chicken."

For Seb:


It has 2 flipper buttons on one side for single handed playing so you can hold your beer.

https://thisweekinpinball.com/oktob...erview-of-machine-and-the-code-and-the-rules/

One day, a very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Austin. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin to jump (“fixin" in Texas means: has the means or abilities, and may take action).

She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father."

He replied, "My mom and dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."

She said. "Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children."

He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."

She said, "Well, then you just remember the Alamo."

He replied, "What's the Alamo?"

She replied. "Well bless your heart! You just go ahead and jump, you little Yankee CNN-loving liberal left-wing bastard, you’re holding up traffic."

New Supermarket In Oklahoma

A new supermarket opened in Norman. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

^^^^^^ It is only a matter of time this gets reposted Car Repair Support section.

Jef said:

^^^^^^ It is only a matter of time this gets reposted Car Repair Support section.

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It would have been topical here:
https://forums.ross-tech.com/showthread.php?16092

HAH I think I have seen that vehicle, or others with the same window print.

D-Dub said:

HAH I think I have seen that vehicle, or others with the same window print.

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Yeah, but look at the badges...

Tonight here.

Mayday! Mayday!

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft!

A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees!

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone!

He yelled,
"Mayday, mayday! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack! I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory! I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph! Mayday, mayday!"

The employee in the tower immediately put him on speaker phone!

"Calm down, we acknowledge you and we'll guide you down after a few questions! The first thing is not to panic! Remain calm!"

He began his series of questions:

Tower : "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?"

Aircraft : "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the altimeter dial in front of me!"

Tower : "Okay, that’s good, remain calm! How do you know you're traveling at 180 mph?"

Aircraft : "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the airspeed dial in front of me!"

Tower :
"Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast! So how do you know you’re flying upside down?"

Aircraft :
“The crap in my pants is running out of my shirt collar!"

water main broke outside the office. I decided to go work from home, check out my battlestation




3 desks at the home office and i'm stuck working on a kids table. Protip: lock your office

Santos said:

water main broke outside the office. I decided to go work from home, check out my battlestation

3 desks at the home office and i'm stuck working on a kids table. Protip: lock your office

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You should just... let it go.