... it was funny to me....

If you die a virgin, there will be 72 terrorists waiting for you in heaven.

vaskoto1 said:

If you die a virgin, there will be 72 terrorists waiting for you in heaven the other place.

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Fixed that for you.

That video of the guy on the big wheel reminds me of my friend who passed away a few years ago. Back in our high school days we, uh, "acquired" a big wheel in our neighborhood and took it to a large hill with a blind corner, ditches on both sides and blackberry bushes beyond that.

Damn lucky we lived to tell about it. For some reason the police were skeptical that we had merely found it on the side of the road.

And so as not to waste a perfectly good post, behold:



That must have been damn loud for the guy in the RV6. Reminds me of last summer when I taxied into a taxiway sign, which I'm almost done paying for. Didn't leave a mark on the plane.

Flaps10 said:

That must have been damn loud for the guy in the RV6

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I don't see any obvious blood, so I guess he lived?

Flaps10 said:

Reminds me of last summer when I taxied into a taxiway sign, which I'm almost done paying for. Didn't leave a mark on the plane.

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Let me know if you ever need a taxiway light. I believe that I still have a brand new one in the box, that was legally purchased as a spare after a good friend of mine punted one halfway across the field a few years back.....

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be eight again…” she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he woke up early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later, they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie with popcorn, a soda pop and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed, exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well dear, what was it like being eight again?”

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

“I meant my dress size, you idiot.”

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A
single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try
to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm
sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that
the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her
public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically,
the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir,
you'll have to get in line for that, too."

Flaps10 said:

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flaps: Just for the benefit of someone who knows absolutely nothing about anything related to planes - who gets the blame for this type of mishap: the pilot of the larger plane (who clearly couldn't see the little plane), the pilot of the little plane (who may have been where he/she shouldn't have been) or the traffic control guys (picture looks like it was taken where there was traffic control)? Or is this one of those scenarios where everyone points at someone else and society is to blame?
Don

PS: It's probably possible to calculate the relative speed of both planes before impact by measuring the distance between the cuts on the rear tail of the smaller plane (rudder?). The cuts look equi-distance, so the big plane clearly wasn't slowing-down when collision happened! Even the cuts just behind the cockpit look like they are about the same distance apart- so reaction time was slow or it must be difficult to stop a plane of that size?

Under maritime and US motor vehicle laws, the vehicle being overtaken always has the right-of-way.

Under the shopping mall parking lot rules of engagement, the vehicle with the most dents always has the right-of-way.

Under military combat conditions, incoming fire always has the right-of-way.

Under the Outback (US restaurant chain) bathroom rules, anyone who ate the bloomin' onion has the right-of-way to prevent chocolate thunder from down under.

More interesting to me was the orange traffic cones in the background across the runway and into the grass. Was this at an air show with ground controllers on duty, or at an uncontrolled airport?????

vreihen said:

Anyone who ate the bloomin' onion has the right-of-way to prevent chocolate thunder from down under.

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Hahahaha!!!! Can I get this as a bumper sticker?
DOn
PS: To be true to the colloquial vernacular, I would replace "thunder" with "chunder" (of course unless you mean that the onion-expulsion occurs from the "opposite end"!)

No, that bloomin' onion definitely comes out like a nice, wet shart after about 45 minutes...hence getting the right-of-way to the nearest toilet. The "chocolate thunder from down under" thing is the name of one of the chain's signature desserts (coincidentally served about 45 minutes after the onion appetizer), but it usually describes the trots that their food in general gives me.....

https://www.outback.com/menu/desserts/shareable-desserts/chocolate-thunder-from-down-under

CHOCOLATE THUNDER FROM DOWN UNDER®

An extra generous pecan brownie topped with rich vanilla ice cream, our warm chocolate sauce, chocolate shavings and whipped cream.

CALORIES 1559 CAL
CARBOHYDRATES 138.4 G
DIETARY FIBER 6.1 G
TOTAL FAT 106.5 G
SATURATED FAT 57.7 G
TRANS FAT 1 G
PROTEIN 17.2 G
SODIUM 627.4 MG
SUGARS 121.4 G
CHOLESTEROL 356.6 MG

Oh, if the above isn't enough to seize you up, check out the sodium bomb of a bloomin' onion!!!!!

https://www.outback.com/menu/starters/aussie-tizers-to-share/bloomin-onion

BLOOMIN' ONION®

Our special onion is hand-carved, cooked until golden and ready to dip into our spicy signature bloom sauce.

CALORIES 1954 CAL
CARBOHYDRATES 122.6 G
DIETARY FIBER 14.3 G
TOTAL FAT 154.7 G
SATURATED FAT 55.9 G
TRANS FAT 7.4 G
PROTEIN 18.1 G
SODIUM 3841.1 MG
SUGARS 18.2 G
CHOLESTEROL 130.6 MG

^^^ vreihen: Clearly you are a much braver man than me - "thunder down under" sounds like a heart attack on a plate and I wouldn't touch the "Bloomin Onions" with a 10 foot barge pole!
Don
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DV52 said:

^^^ vreihen: Clearly you are a much braver man than me - "thunder down under" sounds like a heart attack on a plate and I wouldn't touch the "Bloomin Onions" with a 10 foot barge pole!

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Trust me, it is not one of my favorite places to dine! Jack just can't live without his breaded/battered fungus balls (mushrooms) deep-fried in beef tallow to keep the vegetarians away, and drags us there way too often on Thursday steak nights.

Personally, the only time that I willingly go there (I affectionately call it "the land down under the septic tank") is when I'm constipated for days and need a colon flush.....

The recession has hit everybody really hard ...

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary Clinton travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc, I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

''Good Heavens, 'said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story'?"

"Don't Fuck with Mommy when she's been drinking."