... it was funny to me....

vreihen

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Q: How do you starve a Democrat voter?


A: Hide their food stamps under their work boots!
 
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vreihen

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While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.

Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.

Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. I drank it.

I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so I tried a Tullamore Dew. Nope!

In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest. He wouldn't even smell it.

What could I do but drink it?


By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so fookin' shit-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home!
 

Uwe

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Motorcycle%20Fail%20Gif%20-%2037.gif
 

D-Dub

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I wonder how many billions in insurance have been paid out because of women walking down the road.

Versus

Women driving down the road.

:D :popcorn:
 
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vreihen

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A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector phoned his client. He said, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day, let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million.

I think she could be right."

Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman!"

You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."
 

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anesthesiologist is boarding a plane-long flight. right after takeoff, the stewardess makes an announcement: is there an anesthesiologist on board? please go to first class, seat 12 immediately! the man runs to seat 12 only to find another man, pouring drinks in two cups.
-who are you? what is this?
-relax, i'm a surgeon. i'm just not used to have a drink without an anesthesiologist...
 

vreihen

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Here's a funny one. When they passed Obamacare, the bill authors would not let anyone read the bill before voting on it. If you want to know what's inside, you will need to pass it.

At work, my employer is changing health plans in a few months. I was part of the committee that reviewed potential plans and recommended the final choices, which involves switching insurance carriers.

Our insurance broker told everyone on the committee to look at the new carrier's web site, where all of their plan details are listed...behind a login prompt...where you can't get a user/password until you sign up for one of their plans.

If you want details of what you're buying, you need to sign up first!

Good to see that Obamacare taught the private health industry a valuable trick..... :banghead:
 
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NZDubNurd

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We have 3 boys.

Someone (who also has 3 boys) posted this on my wifes Facebook page:

33381853040_693814e5d1.jpg
 

vreihen

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It must be April Fools Day in marketing/advertising land.....



 
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vreihen

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A newlywed couple went on a cruise for their honeymoon, and found themselves shipwrecked on an island where a tribe of cannibals lived.

The inhabitants were very welcoming, however. In fact, when they found out the couple had just been married, the cannibals threw a party!

They toasted the bride. Then, they barbecued the groom.....
 

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Exploring the Limits

I came upon this thread over on AudiWorld and thought an excerpt might be helpful to others convinced they have already read/seen/heard everything about things VCDS.
hello
i need your help i hope that i will solve my problem
i have audi a6 c6 2007
have a problem with my mmi 2g
in the green menu i press in bootloader and i update the version
after the version was installed and every thing is ok
i press again in bootloader in the green menu
and cant do the update again because every some sec the system reboot and comeback to the bootloader
i buy a new mmi ecu that under the gloves box and change it
the system didnt work will the sound cutting in the radio and no sound in cd disks

i have the two ecu's
i hope that i will receive some of help to my problem
in vcds cannot read the control head with the old ecu that with the bootloader rebooting

in the second ecu, vcds read but cut after one sec

please help

I offer this text as documentation that however bad a situation may appear, others have already explored that high ground in fashions that simply beggar at least my imagination.
 

Uwe

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Back in 1996:

The internal SRI software exception was caused during execution of a data conversion from 64-bit floating point to 16-bit signed integer value. The floating point number which was converted had a value greater than what could be represented by a 16-bit signed integer. This resulted in an Operand Error. The data conversion instructions (in Ada code) were not protected from causing an Operand Error...

Result:

hqdefault.jpg
 

Santos

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Saw this while in china... Jinbei 750 minivan
 

vreihen

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1) Arrange for the prostitutes at the hotel...check.

2) Order a pizza delivery for lunch...check.

3) Let the local police know that we're conducting an active shooter drill... Um, I knew that we forgot something!!!!!


http://abc7chicago.com/news/police-called-to-active-shooter-drill-at-community-college/1836834/

POLICE CALLED TO ACTIVE SHOOTER DRILL AT WAUBONSEE COMMUNITY COLLEGE

By Chuck Goudie and Christine Tressel and Ross Weidner
Tuesday, April 04, 2017 06:41PM

SUGAR GROVE, Ill. (WLS) -- An emergency drill at a community college went very badly on Tuesday. It was reported to west suburban police as an active shooter on the Waubonsee Community College campus and a huge police response followed.

It sure looked like the real thing. Dozens of police officers, fire and rescue units from towns near Waubonsee Community College in Sugar Grove, Illinois, and from three counties responded.

Some responded at the high rate of speed that you would expect when the call of an active shooter on a college campus comes in. Just one problem: the college said there was a misunderstanding.

Kane County Sheriff's department said 60 to 70 officers came to the college, but that it turned out to be a drill, although they are trying to figure out what kind of drill.

A college official told the I-Team they were hosting a three-day seminar put on by the Federal Emergency Management Agency. The official said someone from the class called 911 to report an active shooter. The dispatcher called the number back and the caller confirmed that there was an active shooter. But there wasn't and now authorities are backtracking on the original call to find out who did it and why.

Nobody was hurt in the quick response that included Kane, Kendall and DuPage County law enforcement as well as Illinois State Police.

Kane County Sheriff's officials said they hope to have a discussion with several area police chiefs to prevent this from happening again.
 

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I'm sure you guys have seen this one before, but it's always good for a Friday chuckle;). NSFW for language;).

 
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