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... it was funny to me....
- Thread starter Jef
- Start date
Two old guys were chatting.....
One said to the other:
"My 75th birthday was yesterday.
The wife gave me SUV".
Other guy responded:
"Wow, that's amazing!
Imagine, SUV!
What a great gift!"
First guy:
"Yup.... Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"
One said to the other:
"My 75th birthday was yesterday.
The wife gave me SUV".
Other guy responded:
"Wow, that's amazing!
Imagine, SUV!
What a great gift!"
First guy:
"Yup.... Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"
A Texas rancher was visiting a farmer in Israel. The proud Israeli showed him around. "Here is where I grow tomatoes, cucumbers, and squash. Over there I built a play set for my kids, next to the doghouse," the farmer said.
The land was tiny, and the Texan was surprised by its small size. "Is this all your land?" he asked.
"Yes," the Israeli said proudly. "This is all mine!"
"You mean this is it? This is all of it?" the Texan said incredulously.
"Yes, yes, this is really all mine!"
"Well, son," said the Texan, "back home I'd get in my car before the sun'd come up and I'd drive and drive and drive, and when the sun set, why, I'd only be halfway across my land!"
"Oh, yes," replied the Israeli farmer wistfully, "I used to have a car like that."
The land was tiny, and the Texan was surprised by its small size. "Is this all your land?" he asked.
"Yes," the Israeli said proudly. "This is all mine!"
"You mean this is it? This is all of it?" the Texan said incredulously.
"Yes, yes, this is really all mine!"
"Well, son," said the Texan, "back home I'd get in my car before the sun'd come up and I'd drive and drive and drive, and when the sun set, why, I'd only be halfway across my land!"
"Oh, yes," replied the Israeli farmer wistfully, "I used to have a car like that."
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I must be in the wrong business..........Thousands have sold! 
https://www.ebay.com/itm/Flat-Black...049482?hash=item2f210e51ca:g:uUMAAMXQOT5Q9fUx
https://www.ebay.com/itm/Flat-Black...049482?hash=item2f210e51ca:g:uUMAAMXQOT5Q9fUx
- Joined
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Year is 1983 but camera? Just like "Time traveler on M. Tyson fight". 
Sorry i'm not see explanation: Autódromo do Estoril 2016
Sorry i'm not see explanation: Autódromo do Estoril 2016
Last edited:
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The car is 1983, but were these taken at a Historic F1 race held much more recently?
A New York Attorney representing a wealthy art collector phoned and asked to
speak to his client, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day, let me hear the good news first."
The Attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that
she invested $5,000 in two pictures which she thinks will bring a minimum of
$15-20 million. I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman!
You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The Attorney replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."
speak to his client, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day, let me hear the good news first."
The Attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that
she invested $5,000 in two pictures which she thinks will bring a minimum of
$15-20 million. I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman!
You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The Attorney replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."
I was a happy man. My girlfriend and I had been dating for a year and we had decided to get married. The planning went wonderfully. Both sets of parents helped us in every way. My friends were all happy for me and my girlfriend - she was a dream! There was only one thing deeply bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was vivacious, only twenty years old and drop-dead gorgeous. One day, the sister-in-law to be, called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that it was not long to the wedding day, that she had strong desires for me that she couldn't and didn't really want to overcome! She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to, just come up and get me." I was stunned, frozen in shock as I watched her wiggle her way up the stairs. I stood there for a moment then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and walked straight towards my car. Standing on the front path was my future father-in-law. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, "Well done! Wonderful! We're so happy that you have passed our little test of temptation. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!" The moral of this story is.. Always keep your condoms in the car.
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For whatever reason, ^^^^^ that reminds me of the "circuit diagram" I have posted on our workshop door at work:
- Joined
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!!!!! Slightly inappropriate/macabre content follows !!!!!
So...
At work, sometimes I get to fix the manikins used for practicing resusitation scenarios. They're pretty cool... and a bit fun.
Sometimes, when we wheel them around on a trolley, we "accidently" let an arm fall part way out of a bag and staff laugh on the way past - they know what they are. They can also make a range of sounds, including vomiting and screaming
They look like various versions of this:
SO... one of the educators crashed one of the work cars (She's fine!). The vehicle drivers following her said she clipped an embankment, swerved a few times, clipped the bank again, then flipped the car over into a farmers paddock!
She had been transporting several of these manikins to one of the outlying District hospitals
Members of the public stopped and tended the accident site while waiting for emergency services. I wonder what the initial thoughts were with all the bodies/parts strewn around 
So...
At work, sometimes I get to fix the manikins used for practicing resusitation scenarios. They're pretty cool... and a bit fun.
Sometimes, when we wheel them around on a trolley, we "accidently" let an arm fall part way out of a bag and staff laugh on the way past - they know what they are. They can also make a range of sounds, including vomiting and screaming
They look like various versions of this:
SO... one of the educators crashed one of the work cars (She's fine!). The vehicle drivers following her said she clipped an embankment, swerved a few times, clipped the bank again, then flipped the car over into a farmers paddock!
She had been transporting several of these manikins to one of the outlying District hospitals
Members of the public stopped and tended the accident site while waiting for emergency services. I wonder what the initial thoughts were with all the bodies/parts strewn around
... ok, I think I can top this one.
Wife is head of IT at a nursing school that uses Laerdal. The "Simlab" was being remodeled or something, so a construction crew was contracted to bust up wall or whatever for the project. The sims were carted to another part of the building and covered while construction was going on.
Some construction worker goes poking around where they should of been and finds the room with the bits and pieces... and locates parts from the Fundus Skills and Assessment Module (item number 325-00450) of the Nursing Anne series. He found "something" of interested, took it to the bathroom and.... violated it.... then left it on the bathroom floor... sticky.
The head of the lab finds said sticky lab equipment and was none too thrilled about it. As I was told, she was holding said part in the face of the construction foreman demanding he orders a replacement kit then and there, to which he did.