In my MQB workbench I use the message WBA_03 (0x394) to control the gear position displayed on the cluster and it seems to work perfectly so I'm surprised that another CAN bus message could also work, even partially. Did you try to send a corresponding WBA_03 after the 0xAF to see if the selected gear stops flashing? (maybe the cluster also responds directly to the gear selector but needs some kind of confirmation from the mechatronics, but that's just a guess). I have no idea about what message would be expected to release the gear lever lock solenoid, but probably it's something from the gearbox (the mechatronics module controls the variables related to "gear lever lock" and changes the values as active/not active, for example, when you press the break pedal when the car is stopped). Since you probably won't include a real gearbox in setting (even though your "weird shit" seems very impressive) maybe the easiest way to work it around would be opening the gear selector and finding a way to disable the lock permanently.