... it was funny to me....

[Uwe]

Der. Die. Das. These are the masculine, feminine, and neutral equivalents of "The" in English. Der and Das universally become Die when used in front of a plural noun.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure it's an ambulance run by these folks:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johanniter-Unfall-Hilfe

-Uwe-

 

[Jack@European_Parts]

Encore ......This is GREAT!

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It’s 5.6%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that’s 23%.

COSTELLO: You just said 5.6%.

ABBOTT: 5.6% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 5.6% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that’s 23%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 23% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that’s 5.6%.

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 5.6% or 23%?

ABBOTT: 5.6% are unemployed. 23% are out of work.

COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, Obama said you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!

ABBOTT: No, you miss his point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work can’t be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn’t be fair.

COSTELLO: To whom?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But ALL of them are out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment roles that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how it gets to 5.6%. Otherwise it would be 23%.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like a Democrat.

COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the hell I just said!

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like Hillary.

 

[Da Tow'd]

Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean.

When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job.

He walks into the MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an application as an 'experienced' logger. It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone.

But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride into the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows.

The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree. "See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains."

The Newfie promptly answers, "Dat dere's a Sitka Spruce eh? and she got 383 board feet a' lumber in 'er."

The foreman is impressed.

He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window and asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class.

"Lord tunderin'! Dat's yer Douglas Fir and she got 690 board feet." says the Newfie.

Now the foreman is really impressed.

The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator!

One more test.

They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again.

This time, he points across the road through his driver side window. "And what about that one?"

Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, "A Yeller Cedar, 242 board feet at mos'."


The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office a little pissed off because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he is.

As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks the Newfie to step outside. He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree."

The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How would he know which is the front of a tree?"

When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk.

He runs back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.

"Dat's da front a' dat tree fer sure." the Newfie states, cocksure.

The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the hell do you know that's the front of the tree?"

The Newfie looks down at his feet, while rubbing the toe of his left boot cleaning it in the gravel and replies, "Cuz someone took a shit behind it eh?."

He got the job and is now the foreman.

 

[vreihen]

 

[vreihen]

In case someone is still looking for a late father's day gift for the man who has everything, how about a muffler bearing?????

 

[vreihen]

#brexit2 ?!?!?!?!? Surely, the mighty English football (soccer) team should dominate Iceland at the Euro 2016 tournament.....

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/soccer-fc-yahoo/iceland-forces-england-exit-from-euro-2016-211747550.html

Iceland forces England exit to continue miracle run at Euro 2016
By Henry Bushnell
2 hours ago
FC Yahoo

There are upsets. There are sporting fairytales. And then there is this: an island closer to Greenland than the European continent stunning one of the continent's soccer powers to reach the quarterfinals.

Iceland toppled England 2-1 in the Round of 16 at the European Championships on Monday and, in doing so, waltzed farther into a dreamland that not even the tiny island nation of 330,000 could have known existed. The Icelanders continue to defy both logic and expectations and next face host nation France in the last eight on Sunday.

The result had an immediate impact for England, with manager Roy Hodgson resigning after the game.

England actually went ahead three minutes in, which makes Monday's story more remarkable. Daniel Sturridge put a through ball into the path of Raheem Sterling's penetrating run, and the Manchester City winger was brought down by Iceland keeper Hannes Halldorsson. Wayne Rooney converted the penalty, and 30,000 Icelanders inside Nice's Allianz Riviera felt like they had been snapped out of daydreams.

But two minutes later, Iceland hit right back with a beautifully worked set play off a throw-in.

#Iceland took it right back, with a goal from Gylfi Sigurdsson. 1-1. #EURO2016 pic.twitter.com/HJlo05GGgm
— SportsCast (@SportsCast_THN) June 27, 2016
With the goal as an announcement of intent, Iceland played without fear. Defenders and midfielders alike rebuffed England attack after England attack. The resilience was inspiring.

On 19 minutes, Joe Hart's resilience was anything but.

Sigthorsson's goal to make it 2-1 Iceland. #ENGICE #eng #brexit pic.twitter.com/pWgy5gOIAT
— DJ MightyMike (@DJMightyMike) June 27, 2016
Seventy minutes remained, but England's meltdown commenced. Roy Hodgson's sacking seemed to be imminent. England bossed possession but not much else. "Brexit part two" jokes bombarded Twitter.

England's attack was ponderous all game. Harry Kane looked a shell of himself. Sturridge's influence waned as the game progressed. Rooney was mistake-prone playing in midfield.

England had its chances all the way up to the final whistle. Jamie Vardy nearly got on the end of a Sturridge cross in the final minute. On the resulting corner, a free header was fluffed.

At the final whistle, Iceland's squad ran as one to its fans in the corner of the stadium. Their rhythmic clapping routine reverberated not just throughout the stadium, but also throughout the soccer world.

This isn't Leicester City winning a Premier League title. This is its own giant-killing. Euro 2016 will always be remembered for Iceland. And you never know, the French could be next.

 

[Jack@European_Parts]

http://www.aol.com/article/2016/06/22/bulldog-rides-a-rocking-horse-like-its-no-big-deal/21400051/

 

[Uwe]

 

[vreihen]

Probably illegal in The Garbage State.....

 

[vreihen]

http://bearingarms.com/bob-o/2016/06/29/didnt-get-way-ronald-mcdonald-injured-shootout-sonic-drive/

He Didn’t Get It His Way: Ronald McDonald Injured In Shootout At Sonic Drive-In
Posted at 5:50 pm on June 29, 2016
by Bob Owens

Well, you don’t see stories like this every day.

A man named Ronald McDonald, 36, was shot during an argument at a Sonic restaurant Thursday evening in Lumberton, North Carolina.

McDonald, who is the husband of one of the restaurant’s managers, argued with Telvin Drummond, 24, an employee at Sonic.

Both men shot at each other. McDonald was struck by gun fire and is being treated for injuries that are believed to not be life threatening.
The incident is under investigation, and it isn’t known if McDonald or Drummond or both men will face charges in the incident.

Neither Col. Sanders nor the Burger King were suspected of involvement in the incident.

 

[Flaps10]

I was at the tire store yesterday. I asked the manager what the story was on this car and he said "Well it came in on a flat bed. The owner said he 'hit a curb' so I thought, you know, bent rim or something."

 

[vreihen]

Funny story from the office. I had to make a controversial network change the other day. My boss jokingly asked if my resume was up to date. Since I've been working in the same place/job for 30+ years, I jokingly asked him if he had an 8-inch floppy drive so that I could edit my last resume.

Yesterday, he forwarded me a link to the news article going around last month about how the military still uses 8-inch floppy disks and sneakernet in the nuclear missile launch command/control chain, suggesting that I ask them if they could help retrieve my resume.

I responded back that I would not want to be the person responsible if reading my resume file accidentally launched a missile at Hackensack, New Jersey (picking on this old Superman scene):

"...but my mother lives in Hackensack....."

 

[vreihen]

A friend of mine was a philosophy major during his first semester in college. One day in a seminar class, they spent a great deal of time debating whether the glass was half full or half empty. After the class, my friend was feeling pretty good about himself and what he was learning at the university, so when he went home, he tried to continue the discussion with his family.

With maximum drama, he took a 12 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured in 6 ounces of water. Then took it into the dining room and placed it in the middle of the table.

He proudly asked his family, "Can anyone tell me whether this glass is half full or half empty."

Without missing a beat, his grandmother replied, "Depends if you're drinking or pouring."

 

[Andy]

 

[vreihen]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

[dingle]

 

[dingle]

 

[NZDubNurd]

....his grandmother replied, "Depends if you're drinking or pouring."

She's not an engineer - else she would have said "The glass is too big!"

 

[Andy]

I discovered that a very small amount was missing from an account at an unnamed financial institution so I had this chat experience:

Hang on and we'll introduce you to a Customer Service Associate. While you’re waiting, here is a quick disclaimer: All chats are recorded and please don’t provide personal info.

Hang on and we'll introduce you to a Customer Service Associate. You’re currently 2 in our virtual line. While you’re waiting, here is a quick disclaimer: All chats are recorded and please don’t provide personal info.

Elise Gutridge is here to help you out.

You: Hello.

Elise Gutridge: Hi Andrew, how can I help?

You: I was checking my sharebuilder balance and discovered the whopping 22 cents I had in there, has been deleted.

You: Under transaction history it shows 06/01/2016 EPB RESERVE PENNY BALANCES -$0.22 $0.00

Elise Gutridge: Okay, what questions did you have about that?

You: Why did you take my money and can I have it back please.

Elise Gutridge: I will send this to my Operations team and have them place the $0.22 cents back in your cash balance. You'll see that back in your account within a business day or two

You: Thank you.

You: Make sure it's 22 cents not 0.22 cents though.

Elise Gutridge: That is the same dollar amount, so it will read $0.22 when they place it back in your account

You: OK, thanks. Any idea why it was removed in the first place?

Elise Gutridge: It could be because of the small amount

You: So small amounts of my money can be taken away from me without notice?

Elise Gutridge: I will find out why the $0.22 cents was removed and then follow up by email once I have that information

You: Excellent, thanks for all your help and goodbye.

Elise Gutridge: Take care!

If you want a record of this chat, please use the print icon in the upper right to print a transcript. Thanks for chatting with us today.

 

[vreihen]

She's not an engineer - else she would have said "The glass is too big!"

It's called a safety factor!!!!!