... it was funny to me....

Bruce

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Sadly, their business is a lot about "collections" cause most guys are tool junkies... I don't even go into tool departments at the big box stores cause I know I will see something I ought to have that I will use someday.... I have a big tool box full of those items.

When I get home with my new found love (tool), then I get this:

 

DV52

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Bruce: If your current lifetime partner is anything like mine - I'm guessing that she (he?) accepted long ago that unique set of "Bruce idiosyncrasies".

I agree - but these days my greatest concern when considering a new purchase for that vital, must-have tool is where to store-it. Garages are like gas-in-a-bottle: regardless of size, the available space is always filled!

Don

PS: and every garage must have one of these signs IMO:

 

Bruce

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Bruce: If your current lifetime partner is anything like mine - I'm guessing that she (he?) accepted long ago that unique set of "Bruce idiosyncrasies".
Acceptance does not negate the eye - roll Don. In fact, the acceptance seems to almost increase it!
 

Boki Ar

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Husband:
My wife is gone.
She left home last night and did not return

Describe it. How tall is she?

Husband:
Uh, I'm not so sure, somewhere between 1.60 and 1.80

Police Station Officer:
Weight?

Husband:
I do not know. She's not thin or fat.

Police Station Officer:
Eye color?

Husband:
I think they're brown I never paid attention.

Police Station Officer:
Hair Color?

Husband:
It changes several times a year.
Maybe blue now?
I can not remember.

Police Station Officer:
What's the name on it?

Husband:
I guess pants or maybe a skirt or shorts?
I do not know exactly.

Police Station Officer:
Which car is the vehicle?

Husband:
She was driving my Audi

Police Station Officer:
Which Audi was it?

Husband (crying):

Code:
Audi A6 Avant Black Edition, 
Ambient Lighting pack - A6, Front and outer rear heated seats, Valcona leather - Lunar silver + super sport seats, 3 spoke heated sports leather multifunction steering wheel with paddle shift, LED Matrix headlights with high beam assist, Pearlescent paint, Audi drive select, Audi parking system plus with front and rear sensors, Audible and visual fasten seat belt warning - front and rear, Cruise control, Driver's information system, MMI SD card Navigation, Mobile telephone preparationPAS, Service interval indicator, 3 point seatbelts on all seats, ABS-EBD, ASR traction control, Curtain airbags, Driver and passenger airbags, Driver-front passenger side airbags, Electromechanical parking brake, Electronic stability control, Front passenger airbag deactivation, Hill hold assist, Tyre pressure monitoring system, Warning triangle and first aid kit, Anti theft alarm, Anti-theft wheel bolts, Immobiliser, Keyless Start, Remote central locking, Audi music interface, Auxiliary input socket, DAB digital radio module, MMI Radio plus with CD player and bluetooth interface, SD card slot, USB connection, 12V power in rear centre console, 4 way electric lumbar support, 4 zone climate control, Aluminium door sill trims, Black cloth headlining, Double cargo floor, Electric front seats + driver memory, Front centre armrest, Front head restraints, Front-rear floor mats, Height adjustable front seats, Isofix front passenger and rear seat preparation, Jack and tool kit, Load lashing points, Luggage compartment cover, Luggage rails, Perforated leather gearknob, Rear headrests, Split folding rear seat, Auto dimming rear view mirror, Automatic headlights + automatic windscreen wipers, Body coloured bumpers, Body coloured door mirrors and handles, Body coloured roof spoiler, Door sill trims with S line logo, Electric front-rear windows, Headlight washers, High gloss black door mirrors, High gloss black finish B pillar, High gloss black triangular aperture at rear door, LED daytime running lights, LED rear lights, Light sensor, Platinum grey front lip spoiler, Privacy glass (to rear of B post), Rain sensor, Rear wiper, Alcantara door trim, Piano black finish inlay, Space saver spare wheel, Black Styling pack - A6 Avant, Non smoking pack - A6, Diesel particulate filter
(At this point the crying turned into a howl)

Police Station Officer:
Don't worry, sir. We will find your Audi...

:D;):cool:
 

vaskoto1

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A suspected COVID-19 male patient is lying in bed I the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
-Nurse… he mumbles from behind the mask –are my testicles black?
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies:
-I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.
He struggles to ask again:
-Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says:
-There is nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly:
-Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are – my – test – results – back?
 

Da Tow'd

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It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut
a hole in the ice and dropped in his fishing line. He was there for
almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto
the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy dropped
his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass.

The old man couldn’t believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck.
But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.

The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man
couldn’t take it any longer.
“Son, I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You’ve been
here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do
it?”

The boy responded,
“Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.”

“What was that?” the old man asked.

Again the boy responded,
“Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.”

“Look,” said the old man,
“I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”

The boy spit the bait into his hand and said,
“You have to keep the worms warm!”
 

Da Tow'd

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This guy is driving down the highway in his corvette and sees a hitchhiker with a big dog. So he stops and tells the guy he would give him a ride, but there's not room for the dog. The hitchhiker says "I can tie his leash on the back bumper."

The corvette driver says "that dog can't keep up." The hitchhiker says "oh yeah, he's pretty fast." So he ties the dog on the back bumper and they get in and take off. The driver gets up to 20 mph, looks in the mirror and the dog is trotting along behind. He kicks it up to 50, looks in the mirror and the dog is just loping along .

So he kicks it up to 80, looks in the mirror and the dog is running all out. He thinks Damn, I gotta take another look at this dog. So he slams on the brakes and they get out and walk to the back of the vette. The dog is just standing there.
The driver says "that's the fastest dog I've ever seen. But what's that red ring around his neck?"

The hitchhiker says "that's his a$$hole, he's not used to stopping that fast."
 
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