... it was funny to me....

vaskoto1

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A man got lost in the woods. Realy, truly lost... Starts screaming from the top of his lungs: Heeellp! Hellloooooo!!! Is there anybody arround here?!? A bear comes out of the bushes: Yeah, I'm here. Feel better now?
 

vaskoto1

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A hunter comes back home from a hunting trip, all raggedy and torn. His friend sees him dragging towards his house:
-What's up man? Why are you in this sorry state? Where have you been? What happened?
Well, I went down the trail and as I was walking just few meters ahead a huge bear jumps out on the trail and stands on his hind legs and looks me right in the eye! His fangs were thicker than my toe, man, I'm telling you! We stood there like this for a while and I suddenly remembered I got a gun in my hands! Lifted the gun-click. First barrel misfired. Click-second barrel too! Than the bear slowly spoke to me with a human voice! He said: Now it looks like we have two choices. Either I'm gonna eat you or I will screw you. Right here, right now! You decide!
The friend was all drawn in the story:
-And then what happened?
-What do you think happened? He ate me, you SoB!!!
 

Jack@European_Parts

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[h=3]So a man dies...[/h][FONT=&quot]and walks up the stairway to heaven and meets St.Peter, he asks if he's ever cheated on his wife, the man truthfully replies "Never, I love my wife!" and St. Peter gives him a Roles Royce to drive around heaven. The next guy comes and St.Peter asks him the same thing, the man responds with "I did once or twice before we were married." St. Peter lets him in and he gets a Lexus. The next comes up and when asks the same question he answered, " Yeah, I did a lot, I was a TERRIBLE husband." St. Peter decides to give him an old Volkswagen. A few weeks later he see's the man who he gave a Roles Royce bawling his eyes out. St.Peter asks " What's wrong? You have a Roles Royce, you're in heaven and you lived a long prosperous life with no unfinished business." The man replies "I just saw my wife! She was riding a bicycle!"[/FONT]
 

vaskoto1

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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being too good in bed.
After two minutes she said all charges were being dropped due to a lack of evidence.
 

vaskoto1

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medieval scottish village. the elders gathered the villagers.
-listen, we have two bad news...
first is that our lord has reestablished the right of the first night again...
voice from the crowd:
-why he needs this? wasn't he gay?
-well, that is the second bad news...
 

Sagbelly

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So you are standing on the sea front looking out to sea and you notice a cloud of fog or mist, but how can you tell which it is.
Stand there long enough and if it comes rolling towards the shore and it hits you it is fog, if it doesn’t it’s mist...
 
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